Blog 8

My first revision for my final draft of the ethnographic paper will be on the description of the place and culture that I visited.  I will be using a lot of the information from the descriptive web text from the beginning of the semester but I will change up some of it.  For my description of Keeneland, I went on a day where there were not any races going on.  While this gave a good idea of the space I was in, it didn’t quite give the full picture.  The atmosphere when Keeneland is and is not racing is totally different.  For my final draft I will be sure to include the descriptions during each time. 

The next portion of the final ethnographic draft that I will be revising will be on the interview I had with the professional horse trainer.  When I did the interview I was very surprised at how interesting it actually was.  But during the interview, my interviewee ran off track a little bit.  In my rough draft I saw that some of the information that I had put in it was really not very relevant to my cultural space.  It was also brought to my attention that the flow of the interview portion of the rough draft was very poor.  This meaning that I had a constant occurrence of statements like, “next I asked” or “first I asked”.  For my final draft I will make sure that these statements run together and sound more professional. 

The last revision that I will need to make for my final draft will be a better analysis of the entire paper.  I realized after reading over the paper again that it didn’t have a whole lot of criticism or extra thought on certain points.  I think that instead of analyzing the cultural space I have had a tendency to just give a summary of what it looks like.  This is also similar to the interview.  Instead of actually dissecting the interview, I basically just restated what he said.  Also with this aspect, I need to make sure that my paper has good flow and that I am pulling out points from all of my sources that are actually significant to the ethnographic space.